Tako Rants about Fanfiction - Harry Potter edition part 2

I'm back with more shit to say about Harry Potter fanfics y'all. I hadn't realized I had Opinions about this shit, but turns out I fucking do.

So, if by any chance you found last post's topic (Snarry) revolting, nauseating or just downright gross, prepare your spiritual asshole bitch, because today's is more of the same (sorta).

Fucking Voldemort/Harry pairings

WHY

THE

FUCK

Like seriously, I'm not one to shit on others hard work, but please someone fucking hold my hand, sit next to me and explain to me in small words in what fucking plane of existence this is an ok pairing.

Like lets not even get into character yet, lets go fucking meta: you, a strapping and intrepid fanfiction writer is planning a Harry Potter fic, and when you decide on the pairings, out of all the fucking miriad of males (because obviously you wanna make Harry gay/bi) you go and choose the main antagonist, the fucking racist and facist villain that has slaughtered thousands of people.

Also, we have the same issue than whith Snarry fics: the fucking age difference. And this time its even worse, because its not 20 years of diference that  might not look like much if you have a daddy kink. This time we're talking about at least 50 years or so in age difference. And you, fucking fanfic writer, decided to pair him with a 16 years old.

Now, there are obviously exceptions, like AU fics where they're the same age, and Voldybitch is actually not a sociopath. But I'd ask again, why choose Voldy out of all the males in the series if you're gonna give him a total personality overhaul?

Actually, I already know why the Voldy/Harry pairing exists

Its because of this fucking twink right here.

Why am I so sure?

Because Voldemort in the books and the movies looks like a reptilian ballsack, cause he was a fucking closeted furry that probably transfigured his dick into a reptilian sheath, a hemipenes or some freaky shit like that. And in ALL the fucking Voldy/Harry fics I've read this ballsack appearance is a disguise that Voldemort uses for the aestethic, and his real appearance - Even after 60 fucking years- is the twink we see on book 2.

So, the authors actually have to handwave this with a bullshit excuse in order for this pairing to work, because god fucking forbid Harry actually gets plowed by Voldemort's fursona. That'd be gross.

Cowards.

And lastly, and this I feel should be the strongest argument against this bitchass pairing: Voldemort . killed . Harry's . parents.

Like, HELLO BITCH, he's the main fucking reason Harry is an orphan, that he has to live with the Dursleys and be a fucking battered wife. And for some reason people pair them toghether.

According to AO3, out of all the 198.683 HP fics, 4.087 include the Voldy/Harry pairing.

On the next installment of this little series, we're gonna go over the ever popular practice of bashing characters. Isn't that exciting??