Tako Rants about Fanfiction - Harry Potter edition part 2

I'm back with more shit to say about Harry Potter fanfics y'all. I hadn't realized I had Opinions about this shit, but turns out I fucking do.

So, if by any chance you found last post's topic (Snarry) revolting, nauseating or just downright gross, prepare your spiritual asshole bitch, because today's is more of the same (sorta).

Fucking Voldemort/Harry pairings

WHY

THE

FUCK

Like seriously, I'm not one to shit on others hard work, but please someone fucking hold my hand, sit next to me and explain to me in small words in what fucking plane of existence this is an ok pairing.

Like lets not even get into character yet, lets go fucking meta: you, a strapping and intrepid fanfiction writer is planning a Harry Potter fic, and when you decide on the pairings, out of all the fucking miriad of males (because obviously you wanna make Harry gay/bi) you go and choose the main antagonist, the fucking racist and facist villain that has slaughtered thousands of people.

Also, we have the same issue than whith Snarry fics: the fucking age difference. And this time its even worse, because its not 20 years of diference that  might not look like much if you have a daddy kink. This time we're talking about at least 50 years or so in age difference. And you, fucking fanfic writer, decided to pair him with a 16 years old.

Now, there are obviously exceptions, like AU fics where they're the same age, and Voldybitch is actually not a sociopath. But I'd ask again, why choose Voldy out of all the males in the series if you're gonna give him a total personality overhaul?

Actually, I already know why the Voldy/Harry pairing exists

Its because of this fucking twink right here.

Why am I so sure?

Because Voldemort in the books and the movies looks like a reptilian ballsack, cause he was a fucking closeted furry that probably transfigured his dick into a reptilian sheath, a hemipenes or some freaky shit like that. And in ALL the fucking Voldy/Harry fics I've read this ballsack appearance is a disguise that Voldemort uses for the aestethic, and his real appearance - Even after 60 fucking years- is the twink we see on book 2.

So, the authors actually have to handwave this with a bullshit excuse in order for this pairing to work, because god fucking forbid Harry actually gets plowed by Voldemort's fursona. That'd be gross.

Cowards.

And lastly, and this I feel should be the strongest argument against this bitchass pairing: Voldemort . killed . Harry's . parents.

Like, HELLO BITCH, he's the main fucking reason Harry is an orphan, that he has to live with the Dursleys and be a fucking battered wife. And for some reason people pair them toghether.

According to AO3, out of all the 198.683 HP fics, 4.087 include the Voldy/Harry pairing.

On the next installment of this little series, we're gonna go over the ever popular practice of bashing characters. Isn't that exciting??

Tako Rants about Fanfiction - Harry Potter edition part 1

So... I didn't disappear into the ether again, which is nice... I guess.

As the fucking tittle suggest, today dear bubbelas, we're going to dip our taints into the murky and sometimes disgusting waters of fanfiction, specifically the particular cesspool that is Harry Potter fanfiction.

Now, don't get me wrong, it is a cesspool I often enjoy swimming in, but there are some days, when it just become too fucking insane, even for me.

You might perhaps ask yourself, why would a seemingly well adjusted grown ass man be reading fanfiction instead of, I don't know, eating ass and living his best life? And I could actually answer right here, but it just ocurred to me that its actually a good topic for another blog post. So, stay tuned for that.

Before we start I'd like to clarify that I deeply admire every writer that actually has the creativity and dedication to upload a full 240k word fanfic, its just that sometimes I can't help but ask

Like what the actual fucking fuck?? who shoved  fistfull of ayahuasca up their distended asshole and decided that Snarry was not only okay, but a desired pairing?

What is Snarry you innocent summer child might ask? It is the unholy relationship of Severus Snape and Harry Potter, in a romantic or sexual manner.

If we take a look around the AO3 fics, there are a total of 198.683 Harry Potter fanfics, of which, 10.287 are actually Snarry fics, which might not look like much, and actually represents only like 5% of it, but it just fucks me up, because I genuinely can't understand why would you pair Harry Bitchface McPotter with a guy that:

•  Is aproximately 20 years his senior.

•  Was repeatedly depicted  harrasing, bullying and demeaning not only Harry, but all of his non Slytherin students.

• Was in "love" with Harry's mother.

I mean, am I the only one (no, I know I'm not) that sees this as a deeply unhealthy and downright toxic pairing?
In most Snarry fics Snape's behavior is often downplayed or explained with a bullshit excuse in-fic, but still. It does not spark joy.

Also, can we fucking talk about how only some of these Snarry fics involve an adult Harry?

Thats fucking right you cuntmunchers, a great deal of these Snarry fics involve an aproximately 36 years old Snape and a 16 years old Harry, at best.

 Like for real? you nongendered bitch??, you come into my house, with a fic about Snape's 16 inches long dick destroying Harry's asshole in the name of burning passion and the sexual tension between a fucking adult and a teenager and NOT address just how downright pedophilic it is?  And then just handwave it away with, "its the power of lurve uwu" or God fucking forbid "They are mAtEs"?

I undertand that the suspension of disbelief is a requirement to read any kind of story, and that sometimes authors need to write fucked up shit as a venting mechanism, its just that this gives me a gross feeling, thats all.

Now, I had planned to write just a cute little post about this, and move onto other fandoms or maybe doing some recomendations. But it turns out I had plenty of fucking feelings about motherfucking Snarry, and didn't even touch the Harry/Voldemort pairing, the creature/mates/dom-sub fics, the character bashing, and the Good!darkside Bad!lightside fics.

So

This will be the first of another series of posts I guess.

Hopefully I won't pop a blood vessel and die writing this, or just lose interest for another 5 fucking  years.