Tako Rants about Fanfiction - Harry Potter edition part 2

I'm back with more shit to say about Harry Potter fanfics y'all. I hadn't realized I had Opinions about this shit, but turns out I fucking do.

So, if by any chance you found last post's topic (Snarry) revolting, nauseating or just downright gross, prepare your spiritual asshole bitch, because today's is more of the same (sorta).

Fucking Voldemort/Harry pairings

WHY

THE

FUCK

Like seriously, I'm not one to shit on others hard work, but please someone fucking hold my hand, sit next to me and explain to me in small words in what fucking plane of existence this is an ok pairing.

Like lets not even get into character yet, lets go fucking meta: you, a strapping and intrepid fanfiction writer is planning a Harry Potter fic, and when you decide on the pairings, out of all the fucking miriad of males (because obviously you wanna make Harry gay/bi) you go and choose the main antagonist, the fucking racist and facist villain that has slaughtered thousands of people.

Also, we have the same issue than whith Snarry fics: the fucking age difference. And this time its even worse, because its not 20 years of diference that  might not look like much if you have a daddy kink. This time we're talking about at least 50 years or so in age difference. And you, fucking fanfic writer, decided to pair him with a 16 years old.

Now, there are obviously exceptions, like AU fics where they're the same age, and Voldybitch is actually not a sociopath. But I'd ask again, why choose Voldy out of all the males in the series if you're gonna give him a total personality overhaul?

Actually, I already know why the Voldy/Harry pairing exists

Its because of this fucking twink right here.

Why am I so sure?

Because Voldemort in the books and the movies looks like a reptilian ballsack, cause he was a fucking closeted furry that probably transfigured his dick into a reptilian sheath, a hemipenes or some freaky shit like that. And in ALL the fucking Voldy/Harry fics I've read this ballsack appearance is a disguise that Voldemort uses for the aestethic, and his real appearance - Even after 60 fucking years- is the twink we see on book 2.

So, the authors actually have to handwave this with a bullshit excuse in order for this pairing to work, because god fucking forbid Harry actually gets plowed by Voldemort's fursona. That'd be gross.

Cowards.

And lastly, and this I feel should be the strongest argument against this bitchass pairing: Voldemort . killed . Harry's . parents.

Like, HELLO BITCH, he's the main fucking reason Harry is an orphan, that he has to live with the Dursleys and be a fucking battered wife. And for some reason people pair them toghether.

According to AO3, out of all the 198.683 HP fics, 4.087 include the Voldy/Harry pairing.

On the next installment of this little series, we're gonna go over the ever popular practice of bashing characters. Isn't that exciting??

Tako Rants about Fanfiction - Harry Potter edition part 1

So... I didn't disappear into the ether again, which is nice... I guess.

As the fucking tittle suggest, today dear bubbelas, we're going to dip our taints into the murky and sometimes disgusting waters of fanfiction, specifically the particular cesspool that is Harry Potter fanfiction.

Now, don't get me wrong, it is a cesspool I often enjoy swimming in, but there are some days, when it just become too fucking insane, even for me.

You might perhaps ask yourself, why would a seemingly well adjusted grown ass man be reading fanfiction instead of, I don't know, eating ass and living his best life? And I could actually answer right here, but it just ocurred to me that its actually a good topic for another blog post. So, stay tuned for that.

Before we start I'd like to clarify that I deeply admire every writer that actually has the creativity and dedication to upload a full 240k word fanfic, its just that sometimes I can't help but ask

Like what the actual fucking fuck?? who shoved  fistfull of ayahuasca up their distended asshole and decided that Snarry was not only okay, but a desired pairing?

What is Snarry you innocent summer child might ask? It is the unholy relationship of Severus Snape and Harry Potter, in a romantic or sexual manner.

If we take a look around the AO3 fics, there are a total of 198.683 Harry Potter fanfics, of which, 10.287 are actually Snarry fics, which might not look like much, and actually represents only like 5% of it, but it just fucks me up, because I genuinely can't understand why would you pair Harry Bitchface McPotter with a guy that:

•  Is aproximately 20 years his senior.

•  Was repeatedly depicted  harrasing, bullying and demeaning not only Harry, but all of his non Slytherin students.

• Was in "love" with Harry's mother.

I mean, am I the only one (no, I know I'm not) that sees this as a deeply unhealthy and downright toxic pairing?
In most Snarry fics Snape's behavior is often downplayed or explained with a bullshit excuse in-fic, but still. It does not spark joy.

Also, can we fucking talk about how only some of these Snarry fics involve an adult Harry?

Thats fucking right you cuntmunchers, a great deal of these Snarry fics involve an aproximately 36 years old Snape and a 16 years old Harry, at best.

 Like for real? you nongendered bitch??, you come into my house, with a fic about Snape's 16 inches long dick destroying Harry's asshole in the name of burning passion and the sexual tension between a fucking adult and a teenager and NOT address just how downright pedophilic it is?  And then just handwave it away with, "its the power of lurve uwu" or God fucking forbid "They are mAtEs"?

I undertand that the suspension of disbelief is a requirement to read any kind of story, and that sometimes authors need to write fucked up shit as a venting mechanism, its just that this gives me a gross feeling, thats all.

Now, I had planned to write just a cute little post about this, and move onto other fandoms or maybe doing some recomendations. But it turns out I had plenty of fucking feelings about motherfucking Snarry, and didn't even touch the Harry/Voldemort pairing, the creature/mates/dom-sub fics, the character bashing, and the Good!darkside Bad!lightside fics.

So

This will be the first of another series of posts I guess.

Hopefully I won't pop a blood vessel and die writing this, or just lose interest for another 5 fucking  years.

In which I complain about how unproductive I am, again

Ok, ok, I'm gonna write this before I loose my will to live again.

So, Detox here, coming atchu with a slow verse


I have like a thousand ideas about shit to blog about, and absolutely no motivation or attention span to follow through with anything.

If you've read my previous few posts -Seriously, who the fuck reads this?- I want to start a little series about scary ghost stories,  also I've been wanting to do fanfiction rants for a fucking eternity. Aditionally, there are not one, or two but three fucking posts about knitting and crocheting that I've been trying to write without much success.

However, ever since Venezuela's first major energy blackout on March 7, internet access has gone to shit, and I've found myself with long hours of either no power or no internet access. Instead of being a fucking productive bitch and work out, or work on my final paper in order to graduate, or write a blogpost, I've been very dramatically looking into the distance and not. doing. anything.

FUCK

THAT

SHIT

I don't know how long this bout of productivity is going to last, but I'm going to make the best of it.

*Proceeds to dissapear for 5 years again*

Dammit.

Spooky Traditions - Preserving Oral Stories

Ok y'all, bear with me while I try to explain this fuckery both to myself and to you:

Everyone likes scary ghost stories, even non believers in anything paranormal will jump in with a creepy story from time to time... I guess that everyone loves a good scare from time to time. I mean, there's gotta be a reason they're making a 3rd part of fucking Annabelle...

And it sure as fuck ain't cause of the thrilling plot and masterfull and sober acting

 I was watching Grav3yardgirl newest  video about ghost stories, and it just got me thinking about supernatural experiences/ghost stories andI got to the startling realization that pretty much all of my repertoire of supernatural happenings comes mostly from stories shared by family, stories from my grandma, from her sisters and brothers, from my mom and my uncles and aunts, stories that all the children from my family grew up with...
 And, it might sound silly, but my grandma is dead, most of her brothers and sisters are too, and even some of my uncles and aunts are leaving us too, and I feel that slowly a little part of my family's story is slowly disapearing, I mean, who's gonna warn the next generation about Springheeled Jack and the importance of avoiding strangers?

Then again, is it really necesary for these stories to be passed on? I mean, they fulfilled (I think) a purpose besides scaring the shit out of me, for example, that story about Springheeled Jack my aunts used to tell, asides from implying that my aunts threw fucking rocks at some sort of hellspawn, also taught me (intentionally or not) to always be wary of strangers, to be watchfull of unfamiliar people in "safe" spaces, because you never know when that weird guy going around your street is suddenly gonna leap 10 feet in the air and dissapear in a vortex of darkness, you know, in the usual venezuelan fashion.

Or, maybe I'm aproaching this from the wrong angle, maybe its not about something being deserving to be preserved because it serves a particular end, or because it teaches X lesson. Maybe these silly stories that used to terrify me should be preserved just for the fact that they exist, because at some point someone possibly either experienced something paranormal or simply made it up and decided to share it. And THAT in of itself says something, I'm not sure what, but it says something.

If I had the will and the energy to actually dig up my old college books I could maybe write up something about how these paranormal stories could be a link of sorts between the "magical" and the mundane, a way for two worlds so very often isolated from each other to mix. And about how said stories end up being (as all artistics endeavors) a reflection on the current social, cultural and political reality at the time birth of that story.


This got rambly as fuck, and I just wanted to write a little blurb as a sort of preface for this posible series of posts...


So, in the future (knowing me probably next fucking year) expect some scary (not really, you'll see)  ghost stories, I guess

Its 2018, Are Blogs even Cool anymore? Do we still say Cool?

So, here I am, again, after a fucking millenia away, without an actual reason to my absence besides that I got entertained and sidetracked with other stuff FOR  5 FUCKING YEARS?? WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK SIS?. 

                                     

At the same time, I'm not gonna excuse myself or promise not to do it again, because I am what? sickening Irrelevant.

anyone got that reference? 

                                 

Seriously tho, who the fuck reads this anyway? besides the shitton of russian traffic I get for reasons unknown, I'm my only reader... AND THATS FUCKING FINE

At least thats what I try to tell myself, but

                                                

So I guess I'll just use this blog as a sort of venting plataform or some shit... Maybe post some knitting again, talk shit about fanfiction and that kind of crap.

When I first started this blog, it was (I guess) under the inspiration of actual succesful people like the Bloggess, or the Yarn Harlot, writers with a huge fanbase, and people that, you know, actually care about what they have to say. Back then, little old me was all like "FUCK YES, I WANT THAT SHIT", I wanted to be read (even though I have nothing interesting to say) and feel validated I guess? Thats something everyone wants to some degree I guess... Anyfuckingway, I was all ready to dazzle everyone with my wit and my masterfull use of the written word, and be fucking loved and extolled in return. But... It never happened, mostly because I barely posted anything thats the only reason you fucking dumbass, But I guess I got discouraged and dissapointed on myself, and just directed my attention elsewhere.

Now, I'm gonna try to dance (write) only for myself, like that time Madonna became a Camel dancer 

No, this is not a Peter Griffin-esque fucked up anecdote, this really happened

 I'm gonna try to write about the things I want to read and see, and maybe someone will read it and enjoy it, or maybe nobody will, and thats OKAY, fuck outside validation and shit, I'll be my own strong independent woman of color mother of three who don't need no fucking validation...

An ode to Black Yarn

A while ago, a cousin asked for a phone cozy, he's cool and this would be the first knitted thing he asks, so I said "sure, which colors do you want?", then he said the most awful words someone can say to a knitter IMO: "just one, black", the moment those words left my cousin's mouth I felt the urge to gulp down a hole bottle of vodka, to grow claws and maim him, and running all the way to Peru, all at the same time...

Have you ever, dear reader who possibly is also a knitter/crocheter, worked with black yarn? If you haven't please allow me to explain you the outwordly and invigorating experience that working with black yarn is: its like having mud smeared all over your face, just that instead of being in your face, the mud is all over your stitches... Seriously, you only have a vague sense of what you're doing, and no matter what stitch pattern you use, the thing will still look like an amorphous blob of doom...

see?? Fucking. Blob. of  DOOM

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the color -most of my shirts are either black or really dark- or the finished projects -they actually look pretty classy and cool-  but damm it, its so frustrating and depressing to work with it  ;.;

As you can see, the finished object looks pretty nice, but still, working with dark yarn is annoying as fuck ¬¬

Also, after casting off the phone cozy I started another project, a complete opposite , color-wise

Sneak Peek!!

2013 Knitting Resolutions

Yo! In an amazing display of responsibility that shocks  even me, I decided to post my list of knitting resolutions... I won't do resolutions like "I want to knit 600000 yards this year" or "I'm gonna knit ALL the swaters in The Celtic Collection" , mostly because they always lead to dissapointment and depression... Intead, what I want to do for the 2013 is try new techniques, tackle patterns that have been taunting me for ages...
So, during this year I want to:
- Learn to do double knitting
- Get better at doing stranded colorwork
-Actually understand how the fuck do you do entrelac
-Try a fancy pansy, one hundred charts and 4 diferent edgings to choose lace shawl, preferably a circular one, since it'll probably end up as a table runner... Also, the key word here is TRY, if I found the little bastard to be too much of a problem I'll frog it...
-I want to crochet a garment, or a hat...
-A blanket... For some sick and unexplainable reason I want to try either crocheting or knitting a blanket... I might actually do a bicraftual project and make a bunch of afghan blocks...
- This one is not really a resolution but a "if I have time" kind of thing: I want to knit a cardigan for myself, with a hood, and probably cables, or colorwork... I still don't know, but I want to make myself a fucking cardigan so awesome that people die of sheer envy when the see it...

Now, just like I mentioned above, I'd like to tackle a few patterns that have been teasing me for a while and I've been too much of a chicken to try them... This pattern tackling, wich I hope I manage to do, its gonna be called "Bitch, you goin down!", and will be accompanied by this little pseudobadge

I couldn't bring myself to purposely make a spelling mistake

Now, a list with some of the bitches that hopefully will be going down:

-Enpaper Hat
-Bicolor Spiral Hat - This might be the first bitch going down, since I have a yarn that will do the trick
- Pax - This might actually take a while, I've read the pattern and duuuuude I don't undertand shit >.<
-Selbu Modern
-Coachella - I have plans to knit at least 3 of these for several family members...
- Either Pamina, Maeva or Window Pane Socks, just to see how long until I lose my mind
- This thing, just because it looks fucking awesome
-And Finally, a Clapotis, because why the fuck not?

Please note, this is not a definitive list, I just included the ones I find "doable" during this year

Now, If you guys excuse me I have a bag's ass to kick... More to come in this issue, I promise!